SNIPPETS

JANUARY 8,  2010

From The Politico:  A memo Director of National Intelligence Dennis Blair issued tonight promising to "take a fresh and penetrating look at strengthening both human and technical performance" in the wake of the attempted terrorist bombing on Christmas Day misstated the number of the flight where the attempt took place.

Oh, so they were off by a couple of numbers.  What really counts is their respect for the rights of the terrorists.

JANUARY 7,  2010

PARIS (Reuters) - French police are investigating whether a pickpocket stole thousands of euros from passengers as they slept on an Air France flight from Tokyo to Paris.  "There is an investigation under way," a spokesman for the border police at Charles de Gaulle airport in Paris said when asked to confirm a report on the website of the Le Figaro.  The paper said around 4,000 euros ($5,744) appeared to have been stolen from five business class passengers as they slept on the overnight flight.

Now watch, we'll find out that the pickpocket's father reported him twice, and that no one did anything about it.

JANUARY 6,  2010

PORTLAND, Ore. (AP) - A prosecutor says a Portland man accused of sneakily snipping a fellow bus passenger's hair as he sat behind her New Year's Eve is a suspect in a number of similar incidents.  Jared Weston Walter pleaded not guilty Monday in Multnomah County Circuit Court to third-degree robbery, interfering with public transit, second-degree disorderly conduct and harassment.

You know, with the cost of haircuts these days, those passengers should recognize a good deal.

JANUARY 5,  2010

PORTLAND, Ore., Jan. 4 (UPI) -- Two U.S. men convicted on federal vandalism charges for fixing typos on public signs said they have landed a book deal to write about their adventures.  Benjamin Herson of Oregon and Jeff Deck of Massachusetts said they were given a $150,000 advance to write "The Great Typo Hunt," which is due out Aug. 3, The (Norfolk) Virginian-Pilot reported Monday.

What will this book be?  "And then we went to Seattle and fixed a 'w'"?  Well, look, if you can't get Dickens...

JANUARY 4,  2010

KINGSTON, N.Y., Jan. 3 (UPI) -- A judge in New York state took the oath of office with his hand placed on a dictionary rather than a book of Scripture because officials could find no Bible.

The remarkable thing is, in this day and age, that they could find a dictionary.

JANUARY 3,  2010

(CBS/AP) There was something special on the menu at a New York soup kitchen Thursday.  Those eating lunch at the Broadway Community Inc. facility in Manhattan got a taste of the luxury life, thanks to a gift of caviar from an anonymous donor.  The caviar was served along with sour cream and egg whites and yolks and chives on cornmeal blinis. About 150 people showed up for lunch.

Next they'll install a stock ticker.  Only in New York, only in New York.

JANUARY 2,  2010

STOCKHOLM, Sweden, Jan. 1 (UPI) -- A record number of Swedish residents applied for legal name changes in 2009, officials say.  A total of 7,740 applications were made to the Patent and Registration Office, the Dagens Nyheter newspaper reported Thursday.

This will undoubtedly become a new human right in Sweden - the right to throw off an oppressive name.

JANUARY 1,  2010

First great headline of 2010, relating to the Mayo Clinic's decision to stop taking Medicare patients at some of its Arizona facilities.  From Investors Business Daily:

Mayo Says: Hold The Medicare

That's imagination.

DECEMBER 31,  2009

RENTON, Wash. (AP) - Truck theft diary: - Take silver 1985 Chevy truck from City Transfer yard in Sumner, Wash., early Monday morning. Helpfully fill it with unleaded gasoline. Fail to notice it requires diesel.

- Call 911 for assistance when truck stalls shortly after noon Monday on State Route 167 in Renton area. Grab green reflector vest found in truck so as to appear to be actual City Transfer employee when help arrives.

- Have the misfortune to have a REAL City Transfer employee drive by and report location of stalled, stolen truck to police.

- Watch Washington State Patrol troopers arrive. Watch a real City Transfer employee who witnessed the theft arrive and describe the man he saw take the truck.

This guy will probably be recruited by Janet Napolitano.